The Halloween Costume Analysis

I think one of the most insightful questions a person can ask their spouse is, “What  would be the perfect Halloween costume for me?”  Much can be exposed in this answer… both mysterious and profound.  Over a riveting Halloween lunch with the lovely Yarei, I discussed this primordial observation.

“I think a fitting Halloween costume for you would be either A. Pocahontas B.  If you have the baby strapped to your person, Sacagawea or C. A flamenco dancer.”  I let my analysis sink in, hoping she would understand the power, strength and elegance of the characters I chose… and silently expecting a similar analysis.

I struck my best “Roman Emperor posing for a triumphant sculpture” pose as I invited her analysis of my perfect Halloween costume.   Perhaps a brave Spanish explorer… or Zorro…or even an exotic Salsa singer.   I waited in anticipation.

She put her fist under her chin, cocked her head to the side and squinted at me in deep thought.  I could see the minions in her brain running back and forth through face recognition files, squealing with delight at the different options that popped up.  After a few seconds of waiting, I thought I would give her some help.

“In high school I was told I could be a stunt double for Prince.” I struck a Princely look.

“Ummm…” she considered the similarity, but clearly would need convincing.

“Look at my profile carefully then superimpose the songs Party Like it’s 1999 or Purple Rain…” I sang a quick chorus in an octave beyond my reach and paused, waiting for the resemblance to kick in.

“Yeah… no.”  She picked up on her analysis as if I had not just spoken.

I returned to my Emperor pose, now a little less sure of my conquest.

“I’ve got it!” she yelled in eureka-like fashion.     “If you dye your beard and hair white, you could be the guy from that meme!!”

“What?!”  I could see my Caesar bust crumbling.   “Who?”

“You know… the meme that says, ‘I never this and this, but when i do, I do this and that’… like ‘I never eat tacos, but when I do I eat them with a lot of cheese.”

“First of all, that’s a terrible example phrase.  Second, are you talking about the Most Interesting Man in the World guy from the Dos Equis beer commercial?”

“I don’t know who that is, but I do know the guy from that meme… and you’d be a dead ringer for him,” she said with satisfaction as she crunched a celery stick and then pointed it at me with it.

Confusion struck my frontal lobe.  On the one hand, being considered the most interesting man in the world is quite the compliment.  On the other, the fact that he is embodied by a man in his 60’s with white hair and beer bottles scattered in front of him is less flattering.

I decided this was one of those mysterious analyses that would require a little more thought.

“Ok… thanks… I guess.”  I poked at my guacamole in search for some type of answer.

“No problem, Louie.  That’s what i’m here for,” she crunched and gave me wink.

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