The 5th-period lunch bell rang and the usual parade of hard working, yet sociable, students filed into my rooom. Short and spunky Chanchita led the charge, carrying a tray of tater tots, meatloaf and other strange sources of student nutrition.
“Hey Mister… can I borrow $1 for the vending machine?” she asked, looking suspiciously at her high tea on a tray.
An understandable request considering the day’s free range, non GMO food selection.
“Sorry… I only carry Benjamins… you know, hundred dollar bills.”
Unphased, she countered back. “Oh…like Kodak?”
“It’s a camera brand…back from the days when people printed pictures and put them in albums.”
“No, mister. Kodak’s not a camera. He’s a rapper.”
“Wait, wait…is he related to ‘The Weeknd‘?
“No, he’s another guy.”
“Do they ever rap battle… you know, The Camera vs. MC Saturdy/Sundy?” I asked while sharpening a pencil.
Chanchita rolled her eyes and smacked her gum. She pulled out her homework and placed it in front of her.
“You know, he was recently arrested. Had to cancel some upcoming concerts.” She informed me as she looked over her Chemistry notes.
“For what? Using Getty Image photos without permission?” I blew the excess shavings off the pencil and admired my work.
“No.” she ran her finger across the periodic table of elements. “He violated house arrest.”
“Ahh… broke the ‘no selfie’ regulation,” I countered.
“Umm…no mister.” She continued scanning Helium and Barium, so I decided to introduce her to Sarcasium.
“If his name were Polaroid, he could have claimed to be the original Instagram.” I placed another artistically sharpened pencil in the pencil cup.
She sighed at my overexposed sense of humor and made another attempt at bringing me into focus.
“Here mister.” She showed me a picture on her phone. “Here’s a picture of him.”
“What happened to his teeth?!” I gasped, unable to hide the reaction.
“Mister!” She shot back, offended at my irreverence. “He’s one of the first rappers to have all his teeth covered in gold. He’s got a lot of money.”
“Really?” I paused as I looked at the picture then rubbed my mouth in pain. “It looks like he got smacked in the mouth with a gold shovel.”
And that, class… would have been the element of surprise.